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Step Six

We became entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

   
     
 
 
Question 1: After my fourth and fifth steps I am certainly aware of a lot of character defects and want to get rid of them. Is that what this step means?
Answers:

Absolutely, but there’s more. When I finished sharing my fifth step with my sponsor I could see a lot of defects in my character that I really wanted God to remove. My sponsor guided me to review my progress through the steps so far and decide if I had done a thorough job (see A.A. p. 75), then we prayed. After that my sponsor said, somewhat cryptically, OK, that’s good enough for now. Today I realize why he said that. On that day I was aware of a lot of defects and wanted to be rid of them. At that moment, however, I could not really see how much I relied on many of my character defects, how deeply ingrained they were in my everyday behavior. I wanted to stop lying and was amazed at how truthful I could be about the big, bad things in my life. What didn’t stop were the small everyday lies. Lying was such a habit I didn’t even know I was doing it. It wasn’t until later that I became fully aware of the extent of my character defect of untruthfulness. Once I became aware I could sincerely say I was ready to give up this character defect and pray for its removal. Then it was on to the next defect!
Shawn C


Yes, that’s what this step means and where it begins. For me this step is a lot like the third. I turn my will and my life over to the care of God, then find myself snatching them back. So, I pray for knowledge of his will for me and try to turn myself over to Him again. It’s the same thing with my character defects. I want them gone…except when I get backed into a corner or something and fall back on my bad old standbys to get out of it. I need to work on my willingness. I take comfort in the words from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (p.63): “Any person capable of enough willingness and honesty to repeatedly try Step Six on all her faults…has indeed come a long way spiritually.”
Mary B

In a way I find working this step a bit like working the first. With the first step it was necessary for me to completely understand the enormous impact of alcoholism and drug addiction on my life, how my addiction played a major part in all of my disasters and downfalls. Next I had to understand that life was possible without drugs and alcohol and that I was making a commitment to live my life that way. It is the same thing with each character defect. I need to understand how much a part of me that defect is, that life without that character flaw is possible and that that’s how I want to live.
Chris H
 
 
Question 2: You know, I am rather attached to some of my character defects. They have served me well. I find myself reluctant to let go of them. What do I do?
Answers:

I was very attached to some of my character defects. My cynical wit amused many but also kept them at a safe distance. Modestly padding my expense account and making a few other minor accounting errors gave me some extra dollars each month. I could throw a tantrum, act hurt and sulk around for weeks and usually got my way. These were some effective character defects and I was very attached to them. So I sat there stuck at the sixth step for quite a long time. Eventually it occurred to me that everything else I had been instructed to do with the steps had worked and worked well. I had even come to believe in a Power greater than myself. If I could muster that kind of faith could I also come to a kind of faith that if I did surrender my character defects then my life would get better, as it had with the rest of the steps? Yes, I could and did make that leap of faith. So it was faith that the steps do work that convinced me to become willing to get rid of my character defects.
Rick C

Looking at it, I thought this step was a piece of cake, till my sponsor said, “OK, Step 6 is what separates the men from the boys.” (Sorry ladies, but that’s what he said.) This made me realize that this step meant business. It didn’t mean that I just wanted to stop being bad. It meant that I really had to become willing to stop doing all the underhanded, manipulative things I always did to get my way. It meant I’d have to tell the truth. I was struck with a fear – how was I supposed to live without these effective ways to get what I wanted? My sponsor reminded me of how afraid I was at the beginning of this process about trying to live without alcohol or drugs. I didn’t know any other way to live. What was I going to do? I decided that what I needed to do here at Step 6 was the same thing I needed to do at the beginning – press on despite my fear.
Bill K
 
   
   
Question 3: As part of working Step 6 my sponsor has asked me to make a list of my character defects. After Step 5 I know I have been selfish and dishonest but I know I have more defects than that, I just can’t seem to find the words. Help!
Answers:

My sponsor asked me to do the same thing, only I was lucky that my sponsor had this handy little list of character defects he gave me to help, otherwise I might have been stuck too. He told me to pick four or five things, certainly no more than ten, and write a sentence or two about why they applied to me. This was a big help! Click here to see the character defect check list.

 
   
   
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