Never Is A Long Time

I remember going to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting thinking it was going to teach me how to control my drinking. I was absolutely horrified to learn that alcoholics have a disease that continually progresses and total abstinence is the first step in recovery.

What do you mean, I can never drink again?!? My entire life had included alcohol or other mood-altering substances. My friends all drank and partied; it was a vital part of my "fun". I believed that I was smarter, funnier, prettier, a better dancer, a better conversationalist, played better pool, you name it, under the influence. And who would I hang around with? What would I do to have fun?

This idea scared me so much that I ran from it. I told myself things like, "I'm not really an alcoholic, there were times I controlled it." Or, "Things like that never happened to me, I'm not that bad." As things got worse, as they always will, I tried stopping on my own, sometimes for long periods of time. But, I always got drunk again and the consequences that came with drinking grew more severe and drastic.

Finally, beaten down to a depth of feeling suicidal, I came back to the rooms of AA and asked how to handle this overwhelming concept of "never again." A woman asked me, "Can you not drink until midnight tonight, just for the rest of today? And if you do want to drink today, put it off until tomorrow?" I said, "Sure, I can do that." She said, "Great, we'll worry about tomorrow when it comes." When tomorrow came, I made the same commitment, "Just For Today."

It was through learning to live One Day At A Time that I managed to put together ten of the very best years of my life with complete sobriety. When they told me that miracles would happen if I "Keep Coming Back" and worked the Steps ofAA, I didn't believe them. Yes, I believed it happened to them, but not for me.

Now, I have to say that things beyond my wildest dreams have, indeed, come true and I wouldn't change it for the world. A.A. has given me a new lease on life; it's a program for living life on life's terms and my life is filled with friends, fellowship and fun. I can look in the mirror and not only like, but love, the person who looks back at me.
Lynda W